if loving you is wrong

If loving you is wrong,

then next pharse is "Then i don't want to be right"

But in more realistic situation,

If loving you is wrong,

I would like to find out how wrong?
How much wrong I can endure before I gives you up.

There was a time, when I try to convince myself loving you is wrong. It's not right.
Because of your age, because your education background, your income level etc

So I try my best to push you away.

yet, I have fallen so hard for you, I try to keep you as much as well.

The contradicting actions have resulted so many fight and tearful night.

The moment I finally felt the saying: " If loving you is wrong, then I don't want to be right" feeling.

It was when you gave me an ultimatum.

I thought I was ready to leave you. Move on, be happy with someone else.
But truth was, still is,

I don't want to be with anybody else but you. Your routine became mine.
We finally have more open conversation.
We finally able to share more


Yet....

You stay 100000KM away now. You refused to return. This country, and me, doesn't treat you very well in the past.

I took, 15 hours flight to see you. I thought I would be emotional,
but i was so afraid.
What future beholds, no one can knows in advances.

So, i pray. I hope. I do my best, so that, this time,

I will not miss you again

Childish

There a word that stuck with me for some times now.

It was used to describe me by a woman almost twice my age. Yet she is not my mother, any immediate family member, a dear mentor, nor a dear friend. She is an acquaintance; but yet she meant a lot to a dear friend of mine.

By associations, her opinion will almost certainly affects how he will think about me.

Am I a childish person?

I admit there are times I behaved rather selfish and self-centered.
But I don't judge her with her similar behaviours.

Why do she thinks she have the rights to judge me instead?

Is it something to do with her being old and sad and alone? Ok that was mean.

Life

Life is difficult. Unpredictable.

Worrying at it doesn't helps.

I was always worry. Worry about the pasts. Worry about the future,

My worrying. Does not help me prepare. Instead, it makes me depressed and paranoid.

I am not sure will I be able to fully grasp the fully potential of life.

And yes, I am worry about that too.

France Trip (6-13 July 2016)

Châteauroux

Hôtel Les Dryades Golf & Spa Resort.

Pouligny-Notre-Dame 

Chateau de la Lande

 Crozon-sur-Vauvre · 

Paris

Josephine Chez Dumonet.

Baroche.